


just grab my hand and don't ever drop it

by 1dhockeyau



Series: but we're bulletproof [2]
Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:45:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6152649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1dhockeyau/pseuds/1dhockeyau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christ.  Nick is worried about a baby who isn’t even six months old hating him.</p><p>or,</p><p>Nick finally meets Freddie, and things get sort of messy along the way.  Mostly, Nick just angsts a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just grab my hand and don't ever drop it

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably a few months from now timeline wise, but it's mostly canon compliant, as far as it can be. It's unbetaed again. I'm just here to have fun, y'all. All the mistakes are my own.
> 
> This is sort of set after my last Nick/Liam/Louis fic, but it's probably not completely necessary to have read that. You should anyway. :)
> 
> Title from I Know Places by Taylor Swift

Nick can’t sit still. He’s been moving around the flat all evening, moving things and then moving them again and again. Nothing is ever where he wants it. He’s hidden some of his more risque art, and he’s gotten rid of anything that can be considered breakable.

“Nick,” Liam says, for the fifth time in as many minutes. “Nick, sit down.”

“What was I thinking, Liam? This place is not baby ready. My flat is not okay for a _child_. He can’t bring Freddie _here_.” Nick sighs dramatically and flops back on the sofa. “Lets go to your place.” It’s really only Liam’s place in name. He hasn’t slept there in months.

“I’m selling my place.” He stretches out on top of Nick. “Nick. Look at me.” Nick creaks open one of his eyes carefully. “Nick, Freddie is less than six months old. He’s a tiny little baby. He can’t break anything. He isn’t going to be running around your flat, and also he doesn’t understand rude art. Besides, Louis has been teaching him terrible language - well. He’s been swearing a lot around him and saying that he can’t wait to see the look on Bri’s face if something rude is his first word, but you get my point.”

Nick sighs because he knows. He _knows_ he’s being ridiculous. But Liam has met Freddie, held him, heard his little baby sounds. This will be Nick’s first time, and he’s afraid that the little lad won’t take to him the way he’s taken to Liam. 

What if he really is the terrible, evil stepfather.

Not that he’s a stepfather.

“You need to relax.” Liam kisses his neck. “Stop thinking about babies and baby proofing. I think I might have a few ideas.” He drags his teeth over Nick’s jaw, and Nick can’t help the soft groan that escapes his lips. He wants to argue - wants to get up and clean some more, not that he needs to impress Louis, the World’s Messiest Boyfriend. It’s just that Liam snakes his hand into Nick’s joggers and he forgets what he was even thinking about.

Liam is absolute magic.

+

Nick wakes up stupidly early with Liam wrapped around him. It’s 5 in the morning, and he could sleep for a few more hours before Louis shows up with Freddie. He’s taken a couple of weeks of his holiday time while Louis is getting settled.

Initially he was going to come alone at first, just to get his place all set up and ready for a baby, but Briana had had a last minute family emergency, so he’s bringing Freddie along. She’ll come later. Nick is just a little sad that his flat isn’t exactly baby friendly; they can’t stay with him, and Louis hasn’t asked them to move in.

Not that Nick expects him to. 

Sometimes he’s honestly not sure where he stands with Louis. Louis and Liam have been best friends for much longer than the three of them have been doing this thing. Liam has also gone to see Louis in LA a few times, while Nick’s only seen Louis twice in the entire time since Louis moved to LA (supposedly temporarily, but he’s still not sure about that) just before Freddie was born.

He knows how Louis feels about him, but he’s not sure where he stands in comparison to where Liam stands or how much longer he’s going to have a place.

He’s still nervous as all fuck to meet Freddie. If Freddie doesn’t warm to him, or worse, just hates him, it’ll probably mean losing Louis, at least for a little while.

Christ. Nick is worried about a baby who isn’t even six months old hating him.

He needs to get a grip.

He tries to distract himself with instagram and twitter and even snapchat but everything is pretty boring right now. It’s not enough to distract him, anyway. He takes a photo of Liam sleeping and doesn’t do anything with it because no one knows about them. Sometimes it physically hurts that he can’t be annoying about posting things about Liam and Louis online, if only because it’s just what he _does_.

People kind of know he and Liam are close, but not _sleepover_ close, and they certainly don’t know they’re Naked Together close because that would be a bombshell, and it’s not just because neither Liam nor Louis are out but also because Nick isn’t sure he’s ready to be Dating Former One Direction Member - Members - whatever - in the public. It’s a big step, and they’re not there - may never be there. Nick tries not to think about it.

It’s too early and Nick hasn’t had coffee and he’s thinking too much. He rolls into Liam and closes his eyes but he doesn’t manage to fall back asleep before his alarm starts going off. They aren’t picking Louis up from the airport - that’d probably be risky seeing how Nick hasn’t seen him for months and he doesn’t trust himself not to just start kissing him and possibly undressing him - but they still want to be awake when he gets there. 

Liam groans but pushes himself up. “I’ll make the coffee.” He rolls out of bed and slips into a pair of joggers before slipping down the hall into the kitchen. Nick settles back against his pillows. His brain hasn’t shut off for the last hour and a half that he’s been waiting for his alarm, to be honest. 

Nick’s never been a worrier, mostly content to take things as they come. It’s part of the reason that serious relationships never really happened for him. That required a level of emotional attachment that he was never willing to invest before Liam and Louis came along. Fucking popstars. Somehow they wormed their way in.

He’s not sure he’ll ever understand it.

He’s not sure he needs to.

Liam comes back and sits a mug on the table next to Nick’s head and Nick slides to sit up so he can drink it. Liam sits back down next to him, resting easily against Nick. “Do you think Lou’ll sleep here?”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” It’s a lie. Nick has thought about nothing else. 

“Maybe we’ll all go stay at his.” 

The thing is, there’s a reason why Nick’s flat sort of became home base at the beginning. The bottom line is that the fans and the paparazzi - they care about Nick but it’s not remotely on the same level they care about Liam or Louis, especially if they know they can catch a glimpse of Louis and Freddie. He’s posted pictures but that doesn’t make them want an exclusive any less. 

“You maybe. I think it’d be a bit suspicious if he were suddenly bringing me around, don’t you?” Nick says it with a bit of humor but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes and he knows it. He understands why Nick Grimshaw In Relationship With Not But One But Two Members Of One Direction isn’t something that needs to be splashed across the headlines. He’s not naive, is the thing.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Liam laughs and tugs on his hair. “People have seen you two be friendly now. It wouldn’t be too weird that you’re hanging out to meet his son.”

“Would it be weird if I didn’t leave?”

“Stop being an idiot. Louis - “

Liam’s phone rings and he answers on speaker. “Babe!” 

“Hey, we’re pulling around the corner, think you can come help me with my things?”

“Happily.” Liam grins a little, and Nick tries not to be hurt that Louis didn’t call him, despite the fact that it’s _his_ flat. The line goes dead on Louis’ end and Liam is already up, throwing on a shirt. “I’ll be back, unless you want to come with?”

“Nah, I’ll wait here and keep the bed warm.” He smiles just softly but as soon as Liam is gone he rolls out of bed and gets dressed before going to dump their forgotten coffee mugs in the sink. He’s nervous about seeing Louis again and he’s nervous about meeting a baby who can’t even talk and he really doesn’t feel like a 31 year old man. He feels like a teenager again, nervous and inadequate.

He lets Pig out into the garden just for something to do and because he doesn’t want to forget about her just because there’s a human baby here now, and when he goes back into the lounge Liam is coming in with a suitcase in his hand and a baby bag on the other shoulder and he’s laughing at something Louis has just said. 

Louis follows him in and stops when he sees Nick, smiling and walking over to him, baby carrier in his hands. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Nick is always taken by the fact that Louis seems to get more attractive every time he sees him in person. Pictures never really seem to do him justice.

“Hi.” He sucks in a breath and sits the carrier down gently. He hugs Nick tightly. “Do you want to meet him?”

“God yes.”

Louis smiles and kneels down and pulls Freddie from the carrier as gently as he can. He cradles him in a way that only someone with a lot of practice can. “There we go.” Louis smiles down at his son, and Nick falls even harder. “He didn’t sleep much on the flight, first time and all. He cried a lot, but as soon as we got in the car he fell asleep.” 

Nick’s vaguely aware that Louis is speaking but he’s sort of in awe of this tiny little ball of Louis. “He’s gorgeous. Wow.” He smiles. “You made that.”

“Well I had some help, but yeah.” He’s quiet, whispering even, presumably for Freddie’s sake. “Do you want to hold him?”

“Yeah. Yes, I Do.”

Louis smiles and passes Freddie over. Nick knows how to hold a baby, has plenty of experience with his godchildren and friends’ children, but Freddie is different. Freddie is Louis’. “This is Nick, Freddie. He’s important.” Louis smiles a little. “Just like Liam, gonna be in our lives for a long time.” Freddie just keeps sleeping, but Nick feels the weight of the words and the moment feels heavier than it did a few minutes ago.

He’s vaguely aware of Liam stepping behind Louis and wrapping around him behind, putting his chin on his shoulder, of them smiling at him holding Freddie, but Nick’s focus is just on the baby in his arms who’s sleeping with his hands balled up in little fists, curling into his chest.

+

Liam and Louis are cuddled up on the sofa, Louis whispering softly in Liam’s ear. It would make Nick uncomfortable and worried but he’s too busy making faces and noises at Freddie. Freddie laughs, but Nick doesn’t know if it’s because he’s funny or because babies laugh at everything unless they’re crying. He’s kind of in love with Louis’ son. Meeting him was worth the wait.

“Hey, Nick.” He hadn’t even notice that Louis had gotten up but he’s kneeling beside him. “I’m gonna head home.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” He had almost forgotten there was nowhere here for a baby to sleep, as much planning as he’d done. There simply isn’t _room_. “You should take Liam with you. Shouldn’t be alone your first night back.”

“I could take you with me.”

“Nah, I’ll stay here. It’ll be less weird if the paps catch Liam coming out of your place in the morning.” He leans over and kisses Louis softly. “I’m glad you’re here. Maybe we can all go for lunch tomorrow.”

“Yeah, of course.” Louis scoops up Freddie but he doesn’t say anything else. Nick thinks he’s potentially said something wrong but it’s too late to ask what now because he’s leaning down and kissing Liam’s cheek, or maybe saying something to him. Nick’s never understood how they whisper, honestly.

He walks them to the door and kisses them both and then opts to go to bed early. He kind of wishes he were working this week, since he’s not really getting the lazy days with his boyfriends he wanted.

He tells himself he’s being selfish, Freddie is what’s important here, and he goes to fall into bed with Pig.

+

Later that night Louis posts a picture of Instagram that Liam surely took. He’s laying in bed next to Freddie and Freddie is holding on tight to his finger, and Nick thinks that maybe he didn’t really know what love felt like until this moment. He likes the picture and it’s not 5 minutes before his twitter blows up with replies about it. _Oh yeah_ , he thinks, because that’s not something he typically does.

It’s another 2 minutes before he gets his first reply about _Larry Stylinson_. And he can’t do anything but laugh, honestly, because sometimes he just thinks, if only they knew the truth.

+

He can’t stop thinking about it - what it would be like to hold their hands in public, to post pictures of them lounging in his flat and playing with Pig, to post a picture of Freddie and say _he’s not my son but he’s as close as I’ll get and I love him_. He can’t stop thinking about it, and considering Liam and Louis hadn’t even called him after they left last night, that’s probably a terrible idea.

+

They call later that afternoon, happy and breathless, and Nick knows exactly what they’ve been doing. 

He misses them terribly.

He puts the phone on speaker and cuddles with Pig. He knows they have each other right now, and it feels like they’re in LA again, a world away, but they’re just across town, and somehow that’s _worse_.

“Nicholas,” Louis sounds a little huffy. “Why aren’t you here?”

“I wasn’t invited, love.”

“Yes you were, shut up.” Louis sounds a bit pinched off. “Whatever. I need to go check on my son.” There’s a sound of shuffling sheets and then a sigh that sounds like Liam on the other end of the line, and the click that says it’s not on speaker anymore. Nick cuddles his face into Pig’s fur and tells himself he’s not ruining everything.

“What are you doing, Nick? You know how disappointed he was that you didn’t come back last night?”

“He knows why I couldn’t.” Nick’s not even sure he knows anymore. He’s sure there was a reason when they started this. He’s sure he knew the reason _yesterday_ , but now all he can hear is the hurt in Louis’ voice. “He’ll be okay. He’s gone this long without me.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Liam sounds hurt too. Maybe they’ll finally tell Nick they don’t need him. “Get your ass over here, Grimshaw. Your boyfriends need you, and Freddie needs a cuddle from his evil stepfather.”

“Stop calling me that. I’m not - “

“You’re only evil because I’m too good, remember?” He can hear the grin in Liam’s voice. Nick doesn’t say he was going to say that he wasn’t Freddie’s stepfather. He’s just a guy, really, who happens to know Freddie’s dad.

“I remember,” Nick says. He sighs softly. “I’ll be there in a bit.” He hangs up the phone and then puts Pig out for a while and takes his time getting dressed and piddling around the flat before he grabs his keys to go to Louis’.

+

Nick gets to Louis’ and lets himself in to the gate. Louis had given him the code ages ago. The door is unlocked, which seems unsafe, even with the gate, but Nick doesn’t say anything. “Babe?”

Liam comes downstairs with his finger on his lips and walks over to hug Nick. “Freddie’s been crying for ages and Louis just calmed him down. Probably missing his mummy.”

“Oh.” Nick tries not to feel awful that Louis can’t pay attention to him. He’s such a selfish prick. “Should I come back later?”

“I don’t know what to do with you.” Liam sighs, and grabs his wrist. “Honestly, stop doing that. Louis wants you here. Come on.” He tugs him upstairs and into the master bedroom. “Get on the bed and don’t move or I’ll have to tie you to the headboard.”

“Kinky.” Nick grins, and to Liam’s credit he looks like he attempts to hide his laughter. 

He lies down next to Nick, throwing an arm around his middle. “You’re upsetting Lou. Can you stop doing that because I hate his sad face.”

“How is he sad?”

“You really are an idiot.” Louis’ voice causes both of them to look up. He’s standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame. “At least that never changes.” He walks over to the bed and lies down so he’s stretched across both of them, his head pillowed on Nick’s chest. “Stop acting like you don’t like me.”

“I’m not - “

“You are. You didn’t want to come over and you acted like I didn’t even ask you to. Do you not want to be with me? I know it’s - “

“What makes you think I don’t want to be with you?”

“Well, you’re acting like you don’t want to be with me, for one thing.” He presses his face into Nick’s neck and shoulder, so his voice is muffled slightly. “I missed you.”

Nick kisses the side of his head because it’s the only part of him he can reach. He lays an arm over Louis and rubs his back. “I missed you too.” He pauses. “It’s just that you and Liam - you - I mean, you see him all the time. We barely even talk on the phone when you’re not here, and you’re never - “

“Oh.” Louis stills, but Nick keeps his hand running back and forth over his spine so that he might relax again. Nick doesn’t like him stiff like this. It makes him nervous.

“Don’t be - I mean, I get it. It’s far and there’s a ridiculous time difference and you have a baby, so like. I get it. I just worry that we’re not, that you and me aren’t in the same place.”

“What place is that, Nick?” He hasn’t moved his face. He hasn’t moved at all, and Nick can see Liam, squeezing his hip. He’s glad Liam is here.

“I don’t know.” He pauses. “Liam is selling his flat because he hasn’t been there in months. He’s living with me here and you there, and you and I - we barely even.”

“You don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you. Don’t be ridiculous. Do you love me?”

“Shut _up_.” Louis huffs into his skin. “I love you stupid amounts. Don’t be an idiot. I want you to be in my son’s life, Nick. That’s important.”

“I know it is.” He wraps his arm tighter around Louis. “Sorry. I’m just way less secure than I seem.”

“You’re an idiot. And you and Liam are _both_ selling your flats, because you’re going to live here with me and my son when we aren’t in LA. And you’re going to live here without us when we are, and you’re going to be okay with that.” 

“But there are people outside - always, there are always people outside. Paparazzi and fans - what will they - “

“I don’t give a fuck what they think. Why do you?” He’s quiet now, muffled and soft, settled into Nick’s skin. 

“I don’t. I just - this isn’t typical, and you’re dealing with so much. I don’t want people to - “

“I don’t _care_. Liam and I aren’t in One Direction anymore, at least not right now. We’re just lads who happen to be famous, and fuck it, Nick. I’m not hiding inside for the rest of my life, and neither is Liam. So if you want to hide away and pretend that you hate us or something because you’re afraid someone might think something is going on between us, then fine. That’s fine.” Louis pushes himself up. “I’m so sick of this.” He stomps out of the room, grabbing his phone off the table. He doesn’t slam the door but he comes close.

Nick has to turn onto his side because the disappointed look Liam is giving him makes his skin crawl.

He really just thought that all of this, everything he was doing, was because that was what they wanted. He didn’t know he was fucking everything up for himself so spectacularly.

+

The rest of the day is awkward, but when it’s late and every instinct tells him to go home, he texts Daisy instead and asks her to go check on Pig. He feels like leaving now would probably ruin everything. 

Louis orders a pizza for all of them and they eat it in front of the TV until Louis disappears to go feed Freddie. Liam keeps shooting Nick these little looks that make him feel guilty and sad. 

“I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” Liam finally stands, stretching his arms high above his head so his shirt lifts just enough to let his skin show. Nick doesn’t stare, not really, because it’s not appropriate right now.

“Yeah,” Nick nods. “Yeah, I’m coming.” 

He follows Liam into the bedroom and when they get there Liam pulls Nick close and sighs softly. “You’re both so crazy about each other is the problem, and I don’t understand why you don’t show it with each other the same way you show it with me.”

“I never see him.” He’s quiet. “I never see him, and you always do. You’re there all the time, and I never get to be there, and then you come home to me, and he doesn’t. I miss him, but he doesn’t - he never calls, and I’m afraid to call because he has Freddie, and I’m not going to take that away from him.”

“You’re jealous.”

 

“Shut up.”

“Oh my _god_. You’re jealous of me.” Liam frowns. “Nick. Nicholas Peter Grimshaw. You are an _idiot_. Louis is absolutely mad for you, and he thinks that you’re like. Weird about the Freddie thing. He thinks you’re uncomfortable with him having a son.”

“That’s - “ Nick frowns. “That’s so - what have I ever done?”

There’s a sharp, bitter laugh from the door way and Louis is standing there with his arms crossed at his chest. “What have you done? You never call me. You _never_ do. You barely text me, and you’re distant when you do. You refuse to acknowledge him as your - well, your _anything_ , and you acted so weird yesterday and then you wouldn’t come over with us.”

Nick just. He didn’t think everything he had done could even remotely be read that way. “I just didn’t want you to feel bad about being there when I was stuck here. That’s all. Or to feel about about having to stay here instead of my flat. And I never even met him before yesterday. I was afraid he wouldn’t like me and you’d be like well, sorry Nick, it’s you or him.”

Louis stands there, mouth open wide for a moment and then he just starts laughing. “Nick. You - you.” He laughs and has to bend over a little because he can’t breathe. “Oh my god he’s not even six months old! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in my life.”

“Cheers, thanks.” He sighs and closes his eyes, resting back against the pillow. “Any time you want to stop laughing at me.”

“Nick. Nick.” Louis goes over and swings his legs on either side of Nick’s hips, sitting back on his thighs. “Hey, look at me.” When Nick opens his eyes louis isn’t laughing but he looks happier. “You’re a ridiculous man.” He leans down to kiss Nick softly. “You and Liam are the only things in my life that come remotely close to being as important as him, okay? And I’m going to be here for a long while, and you’re going to live with me and stop fucking arguing about it, okay? Because I call you his stepfather even though I know you’re not because you _will be_ \- “ Nick opens his mouth to argue, but Louis doesn’t give him a chance. “No, listen, you and Liam will be, even if it’s not some official thing or whatever. He’s going to grow up with you in his life because I _want you_ here. And i would hope you don’t want to hide away for the rest of our lives because we’re all in the public eye and that’s ridiculous.”

“We’re three men in a relationship together.”

“Yes, we are, and if anyone doesn’t like it then _fuck them_. Briana knows, and she’s the only one whose opinion matters where Freddie is concerned. Our friends know, our families. Who else really matters, Nick?”

“No one?” Nick is secretly afraid this might be a trick question.

“Exactly. Not a person in this world, so like. fuck them. We’re going to stop acting like idiots with each other and putting Liam in the middle of it, and while I’m here, the three of us are going to go on _dates_. We’re going to leave the house together, and we’re going to walk Pig and take Freddie to the park. We’re going to be a family.”

Liam grins beside him. “I’m down.”

“Nick? Are you?”

Nick can’t find his voice. He’s kind of overwhelmed, and he’s not sure he’s been this happy since the day he realized they both wanted him as much as he wanted them. “Yeah - yes, god. Of course I’m in.”

Louis grins and leans down to kiss him. Nick feels like he’s flying.

+

The next morning Nick wakes up when Louis rolls over him to go check on Freddie. He comes back a few minutes later, his son rested on his chest and he lies back down between Liam and Nick. Nick rests his hand on Freddie’s back along side Louis’ and smiles. Louis looks over at him and smiles back. “He wanted his dad.” 

“‘s okay.” Nick smiles a little. “Hey little lad.” Freddie curls his hand around the finger that Nick offers him. 

“Think he likes you.” Louis smiles. “Hey, will you grab my phone?” Nick grabs for it on the table with his free hand and gives it to him. Louis uses it to snap a picture of Freddie holding onto Nick’s hand. “I’m gonna post this, okay? Like.” He suddenly looks unsure. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah.” His stomach drops, but in a good way. “Yeah, it’s okay with me.”

Louis smiles and posts it on instagram with no caption, but when he shows Nick the picture, Nick feels - a lot of things, really. The angle is strange, but you can see the anchor on Nick’s wrist, and you can tell that Freddie is curled up on Louis’ chest, and it’s unmistakable that they’re lying down. Nick appreciates the lack of a comment because what is there to say? It doesn’t matter. People are going to say what they do.

“What’s going on?” Liam snuggles into Louis’ side.

“Just outed me and Nick, I think.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Think it’s your turn.” He smiles softly. “Better grab your phone.”

Liam doesn’t waste any time. He snaps a picture of all of them and then presumably posts it on instagram. Nick isn’t sure if he does the same as Louis and posts without comment or if he’s terribly earnest and Liam about it. He’ll look later when he’s not busy cuddling with Louis and Freddie.

+

Later when Louis is talking to Briana, giving her updates and Liam has popped to the toilet, Nick opens instagram on his phone. The top picture is still the one Liam posted earlier of Nick, Louis, and Freddie. It’s a great picture; they look sleepy and happy and, Nick thinks, terribly in love. He reads the caption.

_cld wake up to this for the rest of my life xxx_

There are a million comments, and Nick’s sure they’re not all positive but he likes the picture, and he likes the one Louis took as well, and then he closes his phone. He has some text messages and missed calls, but right now the outside world doesn’t matter.


End file.
